Well, folks, the day we feared has arrived. The legend. The myth. The man who once juggled high end deals, Jack and Coke’s, and five offers before lunch… has officially hit the big six-oh. That’s right. Mike just turned 60, and he’s now sliding face-first into the golden years with all the grace of a howler monkey on a mango bender.

Let’s just call it what it is: he’s over the hill. Not gently coasting—over it. Like, clear-air-turbulence level over it. From here on out, it’s orthopedic flip-flops, suspicious moles, and the occasional  “Wait, what were we talking about again?”

Tank Tops Flip Flops Newsletter edition no. 245

In Costa Rica, there’s no Zillow to get lost in. No MLS to confuse him. Just raw, unfiltered Mike wandering through showings asking why no one uses fax anymore and whether this house comes with a hammock warranty.